This video I shot last summer had marginal success when I posted it on Kansas.com
Moments of introspection are not usually covered in this blog, so don't go getting used to it.
The girl in the photo above is my mom. Not sure how old the photo is, but I'm guessing late 1940's or early 1950's. Long before I knew who she was. Not until I was in my 30's did I discover this photo. It's actually the only photo I have of her. Even though I didn't know her then, for some reason, it's how I like to think of her.
On September 11, 1989, she died. I guess it should be no different than any other year between then and now. Maybe It feels like a generation has now passed. Maybe I'm just overly-sentimental these days. Whatever the reason, I've found myself thinking about her more on this anniversary than any of the previous 19.
It goes without saying that it sent my life on a different trajectory. Hard telling how life would have turned out had she not died. As hard as it is to admit to myself though, I suspect life actually turned out better for me than it might have otherwise. The reasons are too numerous to name, but suffice to say, I grew up pretty fast.
Sometimes I think I'm supposed to be bitter that I only had 15 years of her guidance and nurturing. Our mother's are our best teachers. She was certainly that. But as I've gotten older, I guess I looked at it this way: Her death taught me some tough life lessons that she couldn't have taught me if she were still alive. Don't get me wrong... I'd rather it hadn't been that way. But there's no changing what happened.
The first lesson is that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Sounds cliché I realize. I think if there's a lesson that I fail at the most frequently, it's this one. I could do a better job of living life to it's fullest potential. "Drive it like you stole it," is what my friend Len Vaughn-Lahman would have said.
The second lesson is that it's your choice on how you want to let a loss affect you. Whether it's death or something else, you're either going to make it and survive, or you're not. It sure felt like the end of life as I knew it when it happened. As it turned out, it was only the beginning. I need to be reminded of that from time to time and maybe that's why I'm thinking about her more than ever.
I miss her, and I hope I've made her proud.
I forget more and more things about her all the time. I can't even remember the sound of her voice anymore. I remember enough about her though to know that no matter what, she would be proud. And I know that's true for Kelly, Craig and Kim as well.
